Chapter 7: How To Talk With Women
Now that you have learned how to use non-verbal language to attract,
approach, and seduce women it is time to figure out how to talk with
women. When talking with a woman, you want her to feel a connection with
you. A woman wants a man to understand what she is saying, and men want a
woman to feel at ease with him. These two things go hand in hand. If a
woman feels that you understand her, she will feel more comfortable and
she will be more likely to be receptive to your advances and go out with
you.
This chapter is all about the spoken language. Once you’ve mastered the
material in this chapter, your actions or words will never be
misinterpreted again. You’ll learn the basics to having a successful
conversation with any woman. You will learn what to say and what not to
say, and a few general principles to keep in mind when talking to a woman.
Your Goal
There is one main reason you are talking to this woman – the chance you
will get sexual with her. Maybe you want a relationship, maybe a one-night
stand, but ultimately you want sex. You aren’t talking to her because you
really want to learn more about her or carry on a conversation.
You are using conversation as a way to get closer to
your goal of establishing an intimate relationship with her.
Women gauge their relationships on how well they relate to that person. If
you want to relate with a woman you have to create emotional involvement.
Of course, for you, conversation is a way to get more information about
her. But for women it is more about how she interacts with you, and how
you make her feel. It is important get along well with her if you want to
see her again. This means a lot to a woman. Talk about what you like and
dislike, ask her questions, and answer her questions. Offer your personal
opinions as well. This will make her feel closer to you and she will move
to a more personal conversation.
It is useful to try to attach a feeling to the facts she reveals to you.
For example, ask her how she feels about her work, or, if you see her at
the gym, tell her how much you admire that she takes care of her body. Tie
in your feelings with the situation and/or any facts she gives you.
Remember, the more comfortable you make her feel by understanding her, and
showing emotion, the better chance you have of seeing her again. You need
to use this conversation to build the foundation for a possible
relationship with this woman.
The main goal of this conversation is to become personally involved with
this woman and to get certain information from her. You need to get three
vital pieces of information if you want to see her again.
Get Her Vitals
Before we discuss how to talk to women, let us talk about what the
conversation should get us. When you first meet a woman, there are three
pieces of personal information you must get from her. The whole basis of
your relationship depends on getting this information. Success or failure
at this task will determine whether or not you will see her again. You
must make it your priority to get this vital information when talking to a
woman that you have just met and that you’re interested in. Focus on these
three very important pieces of information.
Vital Fact #1: Her Name
When you introduce yourself to her, ask for her name right away. Be sure
to use her name in the next couple of sentences. Women appreciate a guy
who actually pays attention, and using her name will show her that you are
interested in her. Repeating her name back to her is also a good way for
you to remember it, and to make sure you heard her correctly. The more you
pay attention to a woman, the more she will like you.
Vital Fact #2: A Common Thread
You need to ask her a couple of questions to get more information about
her. Find a way for the two of you to be connected. This might be a common
interest, a mutual friend, or the same favorite drink. You want to use
this common factor to relate to her, and you want to give her a reason to
trust you.
Vital Fact #3: Her Number
Before the conversation comes to an end, you must make sure you have a way
to get in touch with her. This usually means her phone number. Or, ask for
her email address. In this day and age there aren’t too many people that
don’t have email either at home or at work. You will learn more about
getting her number in Chapter 10 How to Get and Execute a Date.
Know these three pieces of information, and make it your priority to get
them from every woman you are interested in.
The Basics
Now that you know about getting a woman’s vitals, you need to know how to
talk to her. This can be harder than it sounds. When you try to compare
the way men talk to each other and the way women talk to each other it’s
like comparing apples and oranges.
Men talk facts, women talk feelings.
If you want to talk the same language as women then you need to express
emotion when you talk. Inherently, men aren’t very good at this, and that
is why the first thing you should do in a conversation is listen to her.
You need to listen to her and relate to her conversation. Ask questions
about what she is telling you, and involve yourself in her future. You
need to learn how to share personal experiences with a woman to create an
intimate connection.
Listen
The first thing you want to do while having a conversation with a woman is
to listen. Too often, men ramble on about themselves leaving their date
bored and feeling ignored. You want your date to open up, to share
personal feelings and opinions, and to establish a trustful relationship
with you. When a man listens to a woman, and really pays attention to what
she is saying, she feels that he is genuinely interested in her for her,
not just for her body.
Women want a man to show genuine interest in her
life, her opinions,and her contributions to the conversation.
Women don’t want a self-absorbed guy who only talks about himself, and who
is just trying to get into her pants. Of course, this can be your ultimate
goal; you just need to play it cool with a woman in the beginning, until
she feels an emotional connection with you. Reassure her that you are
listening by nodding at her and by making verbal comments such as
"uh-huh," "yeah," and "oh really." Once a woman feels that you understand
her, and you want to know all about her, she will relax and become more
inclined to go to bed with you.
Show Interest and Ask Questions
When you are listening to a woman speak, you need to reassure her that you
understand what she is saying. Use positive verbal comments, as I have
outlined above, and be attentive.
Involve yourself in the conversation and demonstrate your interest.
Ask questions about what she is telling you. You want to ask her What? and
How? questions to get more information from her. You mustn’t ask her Why?
questions, though, as it will put her on the defensive and she may feel
threatened. You don’t want to lose all the ground you’ve made so far by
asking her an offensive question. Get background information about her:
Did she grow up in this city? Where did she go to school? What brought her
to this city, if she has moved here? Ask her about her work, what she
likes about her work.
If she is telling you about a current situation or a problem she is
having, ask her questions about how she feels, how she might deal with her
situation, or what she has done so far to solve the problem. Show some
interest and be involved in the conversation and you will surely impress
her.
What NOT to Say
When you first meet a woman, you want to give her your best impression.
When you read Chapter 3 What Women Want you learned the importance of a
good first impression. This is when you want to portray your most
attractive qualities. You don’t want to be rude, obnoxious, or degrading
in front of a woman you are interested in. Do not talk about old
girlfriends, do not make rude or sexual comments, and don’t criticize her
or put her down. A woman won’t respond well to a man who is rude to her.
The fastest way to get rejected is to give a woman no attention or to give
her negative attention. She needs to feel relaxed and open around a man if
she is going to go out with him.
Remember that you want to get along with a woman you are interested in.
You need her to feel comfortable around you. If she is feeling threatened
or insulted she will not be open to your advances. Never insult her,
belittle her, or hurt her. This may sound obvious, but never ever do these
things if you want to keep talking to a woman. If you insult her, she will
immediately form a negative opinion of you and become defensive. Your
chances with her are non-existent if you don’t show her respect.
Never look for pity love. Don’t tell her a sob story about how your dog is
sick, or about how you just got dumped. Women don’t respect a man who
looks for pity love. In her eyes, you are trying to use an unfortunate
circumstance to get into her bed. Women have no patience for this
behavior. Women also don’t have patience for pick-up lines like "Do you
come here often?" A woman wants to feel that you are interested in her,
not just any woman.
In addition, you should never say negative things about yourself. Use this
time to show her all you have to offer. You want her to be attracted to
you. Never verbalize submission – don’t apologize, don’t whine, don’t
complain, and don’t criticize yourself or what you do. If she asks you
what you do for a living, never say, "Oh, I’m just a _____." By using the
word "just" you are telling her that you aren’t proud of what you do. She
will get the impression that you lack confidence, and she will see this as
a negative characteristic. You have to be relaxed and confident when you
talk to a woman. You want her to see your positive traits so that she will
be interested in getting to know you better.
Remember That…
Every time you engage in a conversation with a new prospect, you will be
trying to get her vitals. You also need to find out if she is actually
single, and if she is looking to meet someone. Most women will give you an
honest answer if you ask her if she is single. You also should use
comments in the conversation to clearly indicate that you are single. You
don’t want to waste your time on a girl who isn’t looking for the same
thing as you are. If she keeps talking to you, she is probably interested
in you. However, watch out for women who are just out to boost their egos
by leading on guys. These women enjoy the thrill of the chase but they
have no intentions on following through on their actions. It is often
difficult to spot these women, but here are a few clues to watch for: she
is wearing a wedding ring; she seems to be flirting with and picking up
several men in a short time; her gestures are flirty but not sexual; or
she refuses to give her number when you ask.
During a conversation you need to balance asking questions and sharing
information. Listen and pay attention to what she tells you, and be sure
share your interests, passions and goals with her. You want to show this
woman that you are sensitive and caring. It’s okay to appear vulnerable if
it will help you get a woman into bed.
It is natural to feel anxious when talking to an attractive woman for the
first time. Just behave the way you would during your first day at a new
job – listen, smile and be agreeable. If you are nervous it is better to
tell her you are nervous than to continually fidget with your straw or a
napkin. Don’t be afraid to use comedy to ease tension. If you stumble on
your words, make a joke about being so nervous around her that you can’t
even talk. Just try to laugh it off.
When you meet a woman and are trying to have a good conversation with her,
allow it to flow naturally. Don’t try to steer the conversation too soon.
Just relax and enjoy talking to the woman in front of you. If you try to
rush the conversation you may appear desperate, in which case you won’t
get her number. You want to project confidence and have fun.
Be sure of yourself, relax and have fun and show your interest.
Now that you have learned how to use non-verbal language to attract,
approach, and seduce women it is time to figure out how to talk with
women. When talking with a woman, you want her to feel a connection with
you. A woman wants a man to understand what she is saying, and men want a
woman to feel at ease with him. These two things go hand in hand. If a
woman feels that you understand her, she will feel more comfortable and
she will be more likely to be receptive to your advances and go out with
you.
This chapter is all about the spoken language. Once you’ve mastered the
material in this chapter, your actions or words will never be
misinterpreted again. You’ll learn the basics to having a successful
conversation with any woman. You will learn what to say and what not to
say, and a few general principles to keep in mind when talking to a woman.
Your Goal
There is one main reason you are talking to this woman – the chance you
will get sexual with her. Maybe you want a relationship, maybe a one-night
stand, but ultimately you want sex. You aren’t talking to her because you
really want to learn more about her or carry on a conversation.
You are using conversation as a way to get closer to
your goal of establishing an intimate relationship with her.
Women gauge their relationships on how well they relate to that person. If
you want to relate with a woman you have to create emotional involvement.
Of course, for you, conversation is a way to get more information about
her. But for women it is more about how she interacts with you, and how
you make her feel. It is important get along well with her if you want to
see her again. This means a lot to a woman. Talk about what you like and
dislike, ask her questions, and answer her questions. Offer your personal
opinions as well. This will make her feel closer to you and she will move
to a more personal conversation.
It is useful to try to attach a feeling to the facts she reveals to you.
For example, ask her how she feels about her work, or, if you see her at
the gym, tell her how much you admire that she takes care of her body. Tie
in your feelings with the situation and/or any facts she gives you.
Remember, the more comfortable you make her feel by understanding her, and
showing emotion, the better chance you have of seeing her again. You need
to use this conversation to build the foundation for a possible
relationship with this woman.
The main goal of this conversation is to become personally involved with
this woman and to get certain information from her. You need to get three
vital pieces of information if you want to see her again.
Get Her Vitals
Before we discuss how to talk to women, let us talk about what the
conversation should get us. When you first meet a woman, there are three
pieces of personal information you must get from her. The whole basis of
your relationship depends on getting this information. Success or failure
at this task will determine whether or not you will see her again. You
must make it your priority to get this vital information when talking to a
woman that you have just met and that you’re interested in. Focus on these
three very important pieces of information.
Vital Fact #1: Her Name
When you introduce yourself to her, ask for her name right away. Be sure
to use her name in the next couple of sentences. Women appreciate a guy
who actually pays attention, and using her name will show her that you are
interested in her. Repeating her name back to her is also a good way for
you to remember it, and to make sure you heard her correctly. The more you
pay attention to a woman, the more she will like you.
Vital Fact #2: A Common Thread
You need to ask her a couple of questions to get more information about
her. Find a way for the two of you to be connected. This might be a common
interest, a mutual friend, or the same favorite drink. You want to use
this common factor to relate to her, and you want to give her a reason to
trust you.
Vital Fact #3: Her Number
Before the conversation comes to an end, you must make sure you have a way
to get in touch with her. This usually means her phone number. Or, ask for
her email address. In this day and age there aren’t too many people that
don’t have email either at home or at work. You will learn more about
getting her number in Chapter 10 How to Get and Execute a Date.
Know these three pieces of information, and make it your priority to get
them from every woman you are interested in.
The Basics
Now that you know about getting a woman’s vitals, you need to know how to
talk to her. This can be harder than it sounds. When you try to compare
the way men talk to each other and the way women talk to each other it’s
like comparing apples and oranges.
Men talk facts, women talk feelings.
If you want to talk the same language as women then you need to express
emotion when you talk. Inherently, men aren’t very good at this, and that
is why the first thing you should do in a conversation is listen to her.
You need to listen to her and relate to her conversation. Ask questions
about what she is telling you, and involve yourself in her future. You
need to learn how to share personal experiences with a woman to create an
intimate connection.
Listen
The first thing you want to do while having a conversation with a woman is
to listen. Too often, men ramble on about themselves leaving their date
bored and feeling ignored. You want your date to open up, to share
personal feelings and opinions, and to establish a trustful relationship
with you. When a man listens to a woman, and really pays attention to what
she is saying, she feels that he is genuinely interested in her for her,
not just for her body.
Women want a man to show genuine interest in her
life, her opinions,and her contributions to the conversation.
Women don’t want a self-absorbed guy who only talks about himself, and who
is just trying to get into her pants. Of course, this can be your ultimate
goal; you just need to play it cool with a woman in the beginning, until
she feels an emotional connection with you. Reassure her that you are
listening by nodding at her and by making verbal comments such as
"uh-huh," "yeah," and "oh really." Once a woman feels that you understand
her, and you want to know all about her, she will relax and become more
inclined to go to bed with you.
Show Interest and Ask Questions
When you are listening to a woman speak, you need to reassure her that you
understand what she is saying. Use positive verbal comments, as I have
outlined above, and be attentive.
Involve yourself in the conversation and demonstrate your interest.
Ask questions about what she is telling you. You want to ask her What? and
How? questions to get more information from her. You mustn’t ask her Why?
questions, though, as it will put her on the defensive and she may feel
threatened. You don’t want to lose all the ground you’ve made so far by
asking her an offensive question. Get background information about her:
Did she grow up in this city? Where did she go to school? What brought her
to this city, if she has moved here? Ask her about her work, what she
likes about her work.
If she is telling you about a current situation or a problem she is
having, ask her questions about how she feels, how she might deal with her
situation, or what she has done so far to solve the problem. Show some
interest and be involved in the conversation and you will surely impress
her.
What NOT to Say
When you first meet a woman, you want to give her your best impression.
When you read Chapter 3 What Women Want you learned the importance of a
good first impression. This is when you want to portray your most
attractive qualities. You don’t want to be rude, obnoxious, or degrading
in front of a woman you are interested in. Do not talk about old
girlfriends, do not make rude or sexual comments, and don’t criticize her
or put her down. A woman won’t respond well to a man who is rude to her.
The fastest way to get rejected is to give a woman no attention or to give
her negative attention. She needs to feel relaxed and open around a man if
she is going to go out with him.
Remember that you want to get along with a woman you are interested in.
You need her to feel comfortable around you. If she is feeling threatened
or insulted she will not be open to your advances. Never insult her,
belittle her, or hurt her. This may sound obvious, but never ever do these
things if you want to keep talking to a woman. If you insult her, she will
immediately form a negative opinion of you and become defensive. Your
chances with her are non-existent if you don’t show her respect.
Never look for pity love. Don’t tell her a sob story about how your dog is
sick, or about how you just got dumped. Women don’t respect a man who
looks for pity love. In her eyes, you are trying to use an unfortunate
circumstance to get into her bed. Women have no patience for this
behavior. Women also don’t have patience for pick-up lines like "Do you
come here often?" A woman wants to feel that you are interested in her,
not just any woman.
In addition, you should never say negative things about yourself. Use this
time to show her all you have to offer. You want her to be attracted to
you. Never verbalize submission – don’t apologize, don’t whine, don’t
complain, and don’t criticize yourself or what you do. If she asks you
what you do for a living, never say, "Oh, I’m just a _____." By using the
word "just" you are telling her that you aren’t proud of what you do. She
will get the impression that you lack confidence, and she will see this as
a negative characteristic. You have to be relaxed and confident when you
talk to a woman. You want her to see your positive traits so that she will
be interested in getting to know you better.
Remember That…
Every time you engage in a conversation with a new prospect, you will be
trying to get her vitals. You also need to find out if she is actually
single, and if she is looking to meet someone. Most women will give you an
honest answer if you ask her if she is single. You also should use
comments in the conversation to clearly indicate that you are single. You
don’t want to waste your time on a girl who isn’t looking for the same
thing as you are. If she keeps talking to you, she is probably interested
in you. However, watch out for women who are just out to boost their egos
by leading on guys. These women enjoy the thrill of the chase but they
have no intentions on following through on their actions. It is often
difficult to spot these women, but here are a few clues to watch for: she
is wearing a wedding ring; she seems to be flirting with and picking up
several men in a short time; her gestures are flirty but not sexual; or
she refuses to give her number when you ask.
During a conversation you need to balance asking questions and sharing
information. Listen and pay attention to what she tells you, and be sure
share your interests, passions and goals with her. You want to show this
woman that you are sensitive and caring. It’s okay to appear vulnerable if
it will help you get a woman into bed.
It is natural to feel anxious when talking to an attractive woman for the
first time. Just behave the way you would during your first day at a new
job – listen, smile and be agreeable. If you are nervous it is better to
tell her you are nervous than to continually fidget with your straw or a
napkin. Don’t be afraid to use comedy to ease tension. If you stumble on
your words, make a joke about being so nervous around her that you can’t
even talk. Just try to laugh it off.
When you meet a woman and are trying to have a good conversation with her,
allow it to flow naturally. Don’t try to steer the conversation too soon.
Just relax and enjoy talking to the woman in front of you. If you try to
rush the conversation you may appear desperate, in which case you won’t
get her number. You want to project confidence and have fun.
Be sure of yourself, relax and have fun and show your interest.
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